What is an Acceptable Age Gap Relationship? The Hard Truth

Is an age gap relationship worth pursuing? First, let’s define the ground rules and state the obvious.

There are absolutely some instances where age does matter in a relationship (e.g., moral, ethical, legal). Those situations do not require any explicit explanation and they are not the situations we wish to explore. We are talking solely about consenting adults.

This is an important topic as age can factor into both attraction and incompatibilities in romantic partners. It is thus worthy of a deeper discussion.

We’ll begin by exploring what an age gap relationship is and whether it can work for you.

What Counts as an Age Gap Relationship?

The traditional view is that an age gap of 10 years is where it becomes most noticeable. While some believe 5 years is enough to qualify, the standard is a full decade.

This is the period over which generational differences may be most pronounced. For example, over the course of 10 years there are pronounced cultural changes such as these:

• Music. Consider how different the soundtracks are from the 70s and the 80s. They’re a world apart.
• Movies. The hot actors and actresses of one decade quickly fall out of vogue in the next.
• Technology. The pace of this change has even been increasing. The way people communicate shifts rapidly.

These are a few of the areas that a couple with a huge age gap will notice differences.

Even with these cultural challenges, it is still possible that your soulmate is much older or younger than you.

How Much of an Age Difference is a Problem?

This is a question that belongs within the confines of the relationship. That being said, expect judgment if there’s a big age difference. If it requires complicated math to calculate at what age each of you were at certain milestones in the other’s life, it is likely to raise some eyebrows.

This question really comes down to whether you’re in the relationship for yourself, or just for appearances. Deciding whether you can live with the taboo nature of an age gap relationship comes down to how secure you feel about yourself.

Having said this, it is important to bear in mind that there can be problems with age differences in relationships.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to determine whether the relationship is worth the difficulty:

• Do we have common interests?
• Despite the age gap, do they understand me as a person?
• Are we able to socialize with one another’s group of friends?
• Do I find them physically attractive?
• Will our long-term goals fit for each other, given we’re at different life stages?

You should also be aware that women and men are perceived differently when they’re in a relationship with an age difference.

What if the woman is older?

There has long been a discussion about women maturing quicker than their male counterparts. This could potentially contribute to why there are many successful cougar-cub couples.

There is also evidence to suggest that as women age, their sex drive ramps up, making it perfect timing to have a young lover.  The chemistry of two people at their peak would be a far more attractive proposition than one on the rise and one on the decline.  This could, in fact, be a winning combination.

What if the man is older?

Many women are attracted the stability an older man can offer.

Yes, the financial comfort can be attractive if it is part of the package, but it is likely not the only appeal. An older man can provide perspective, wisdom, security, and life experience. That maturity can be very sexy in the right man. For him, the younger woman can offer fun and a lightheartedness that can be good for the soul.

Are the Stereotypes About Age Gap Relationships True?

There is a definite double standard when it comes to May-December romances.

If the woman is the older one in the relationship, she is called a “cougar”, and her partner a “boy-toy”. More often than not, these relationships are not taken seriously. The man is often seen as using the woman, perhaps for money, clout, or sexual experience.  He is seen in a positive light, either as a playboy or the victim of the woman, whereas the woman is quite often viewed as sad, pathetic and lonely.

On the other hand, if the man is older he is often celebrated for his virility. The woman is often seen as a “gold-digger”, looking to take advantage and exploit her partner.

There does not seem to be much parity. And while it may not be fair, it’s simply a fact of life that you should be aware of; go in with your eyes wide open.

Final Thoughts

There is no hard relationship age gap rule that you can live by. Whether you have a 10 year age gap, 20 year age disparity, or more, it’s going to come down to how you fit together.

Being aware of the upsides and the challenges that may come up can help with giving your relationship the best chance of success.

If the relationship is worth the judgment, then age truly is just a number.