7 Useful Questions to Ask Before Dating a Coworker

Meeting your significant other is a lot like lightning striking. You don’t know exactly where and when it might happen, but certain conditions make it more likely. One of the main factors for finding love is proximity. If you’re considering dating a coworker, you’ve probably had plenty of time to get to know them.

When considering striking up an office romance, you need to be aware of how much more complicated it can be than a traditional relationship. You’ll be changing the dynamics of the workplace for everyone, and not everyone will like that.

This article will walk through seven crucial questions to think about ahead of time.

1. Does your workplace have a policy on office relationships?

Your workplace likely has a policy, or at the very least informal guidelines, that govern behaviour around office romances.

If you’re at the point of dating a coworker, you should absolutely get your hands on that policy. Be sure to read the entire document, as you want to ensure you’re not crossing any boundaries.

Here are a few things you need to be aware of:

• Are office relationships allowed?
• Are disclosures required? In other words, do you need to sign workplace agreement?

Even if the relationship is entirely consensual, you may need to let your HR department know about it. If you’re planning to keep things secret for the first while, be sure that isn’t going to come back to bite you.

Power Dynamic Matter when Dating a Coworker

The balance of power between office mates can make a huge difference in how you need to proceed. In most cases, it is considered a conflict of interest if one individual has managing authority over the other.

If this is the case for you, it may be worthwhile to consider a creative solution. For example, consider a situation where Alexandra is the manager and she wants to date Tom, a sales associate in her department. It may be possible to work out a solution where Tom ceases to report to Alexandra, instead reporting to another department head.

After all, it wouldn’t make sense for Tom to be evaluated and have pay raises approved by Alexandra. This is one way to separate the personal from the professional in a practical fashion.

2. Can you handle public rejection and scrutiny?

Just because you feel an attraction does not mean the feeling will be mutual. If there is an office mate that you have been admiring, leaping from colleagues to lovers may be a bumpy transition, if it happens at all. Be prepared for the very real possibility that your affection will be rebuffed. If that occurs it is likely to be water cooler gossip before the end of business day.

Likewise, other coworkers are likely to take a great interest in your love chronicles. When they become aware of your situation, you can expect to have no privacy.

Every celebration, every fight, every make up, and even every conversation will become communal property to be shared and dissected for the amusement of the whole team. Enough said.

3. What if dating a coworker affects your career potential?

Before beginning an office romance, consider the impact it may have down the road. It might not seem like something to worry about in the present, but there could be long-term consequences on career growth if the relationship lasts.

By becoming involved with someone within your workspace, opportunities for advancement could become limited, or cause tension:

• Even without an explicit rule against it, most companies will steer away from allowing partners supervise one another.
• If you’re competing with your significant other for promotions, that can impact your personal intimacy. It can cause bitterness and resentment.

Be aware that anything you do in the workplace is no longer just your personal business.

4. Can you remain purely professional with one another on office time?

While you may enjoy how easy it is to be near your partner and discuss personal matters, you’ll be alone in that. Just because you may be dating a coworker doesn’t mean everyone else wants to hear about it.

While the two of you are on the clock, your discourse should be devoted to work matters.

Like it or not, you’ll be held to a different standard by your peers. They will take notice of how much time you’re devoting to work, or not. Idle water cooler talk that’s normally acceptable may be less so if you’re doing it with your romantic partner.

It goes without saying, but you should also be engaging in zero PDA (public displays of affection).

5. Will dating a coworker affect your work?

If you’re a fan of The Office, you’ll remember Jim and Pam having a heartwarming, successful office relationship. However, you’ll also know that neither of them particularly cared about the quality of the work they produced.

It is essential to ensure that office flirting does not interfere with the value you add on a daily basis. Causing interruptions and being distracted are easy ways to get yourself walked out of the office altogether.

Your primary focus needs to be on producing quality work. If your priorities get out of order, everyone is going to notice. Put first things first and take care of business during your 9-to-5.

6. Is there a relationship outside of work?

Before deciding whether or not an officemate is a suitable candidate for a relationship, have a real conversation.

Do you have shared interests and common non-professional goals? What are each of your personal hopes and dreams? Are you able to discuss items beyond what happened in the breakroom or the to-do list for Monday morning?

Your relationship needs to have legs outside of the office. If all you’re able to talk about is work gossip, you may find yourself getting burned out. We all have a need to disconnect at times, so don’t get yourself caught in a work relationship trap.

7. Will you be able to continue working together if the relationship ends?

Most relationships end. It’s a simple fact. Although it can be a wonderful fantasy to think that your soulmate is actually sitting a desk away from you, the likelihood of an eventual breakup is high.

Despite the unpleasantness of thinking of a breakup right at the start, dating a coworker requires more forethought. A workplace can feel quite small if things don’t work out.

Will you be able to keep showing up every day if you had a bad fallout?

Final Thoughts

Dating a coworker can be exciting. It can also be dangerous. Working through these questions sooner rather than later can save many future headaches.

You should also be having an open discourse with your love-interest about these topics. It will help you recognize whether they seem to be fully aware of the potential repercussions.

Additionally, there is a razor thin line between flirting and unwanted advancements. It’s imperative to not only understand the difference, but to show it in your actions. Inappropriate workplace conduct is being taken more seriously than ever before. Be mindful of this and respectful to your partner.

The important thing is to remember that office relationships are different than any others. Going in with your eyes wide open can give you the best chance of success.