Empathy in Relationships: 4 Easy Ways to Show You Care

We’re social animals. When we’re at our best, we also have healthy interpersonal relations where we feel understood and provide the same to others. Getting to this stage entails demonstrating empathy in relationships.

Our focus in this article will be on empathy in romantic relationships. We’ll walk you through four of the best ways to demonstrate you appreciate those around you enough to put yourself in their shoes.

Let’s get started.

What is Empathy in Relationships?

Empathy is all about recognizing how someone else is feeling.

Although there are many different forms empathy can take, here are the two basic types:

• Cognitive Empathy. This is when you can recognize how someone is feeling without feeling it yourself. You can express it by telling the other person that you can see their point of view and how it must be exciting, frustrating, or whatever else.
• Emotional Empathy. This is where you actually feel how someone else does. It’s a bond that forms between you and them. This could manifest itself, for example, if they tell you about losing a loved one, and you cry with them.

Whichever the form, empathy is primarily focused on picking up signals. It’s all about tapping into someone else’s emotional bank and sharing the experience with them.

When you think about the best relationships you’ve ever seen, they were probably practicing proper empathy by truly enjoying one another’s company. This involves not just speaking, but enjoying their partner’s presence with active listening.

1. Ask your partner how their day is going and listen to the answer

It’s not enough to just make token remarks and go on with what you’re doing. If you want your significant other to know you care, you need to actually show it in the moment.

There are three vital elements making this point work:

1. You show that you’re interested enough to ask.
2. By stopping what you’re doing to listen, you show they’re important to you.
3. A discussion ensues from the question. There should be some back-and-forth.

When you’re interested in something, it’s going to be obvious. Asking follow-up questions or demonstrating empathy for their challenges are all ways to exhibit caring.

2. Give selflessly in ways they’ll appreciate

If you know your SO even a little bit, you should have a good idea of what makes them tick. That means you’ll know what makes them happy, along with what might set them up.

Rather than thinking only in terms of what would satisfy you, flip the script and do something that’ll show them you’re on their wavelength. Show them that you have some genuine insight into what they’re experiencing in life.

Here are a few simple ways you can prove that pleasing them also gives you joy:

• Make their favorite meal—or pick it up on the way home, if you can’t cook it!
• Give them an unsolicited massage.
• Share news with them that they’d find interesting. It should be something that made you think of them when you heard it.

Most of these things will be very simple. It’s quite true that it’s the thought that counts. It doesn’t take one grand gesture a year to show you care. It’s about all those little moments in between.

3. Don’t keep score

Fostering empathic relationships means putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and giving them the best of yourself. That means looking out for one another as you would for yourself.

While some people pride themselves on getting the best for themselves out of interactions, this is a losing formula in a romantic relationship.

It’s a slippery slope to go down if you begin keeping score of whose turn it is to do a chore, pay for dinner, or any other common task. Rather than try to get the best out them, try working with them so that you both get what you need from the relationship.

Be forewarned, however, that this mindset will only work harmoniously in a solid relationship with someone else who feels the same way. Many people have been taken advantage of by giving the best of themselves with an unscrupulous partner.

Given that this mindset is not shared by all, be sure to communicate this mindset with your romantic partner. Be sure you’re on the same page so that the standard of empathy in relationships flows both ways.

4. Share parts of yourself with them

As great as listening is, it can be intimidating for someone to share deeply personal facts about themselves when it feels like a one-way street.

While you want to be mindful not to hijack the conversation, you should also be aware of opportunities to share. Bonding over a common experience can be a powerful way to develop cohesion.

Here are a few rules of them to be sure you’re sharing empathically:

• Never cut someone off when they are sharing a personal experience. Let them finish before even considering to share your own.
• Don’t minimize their experience by telling them you know exactly how they feel. Every experience is different, and we all feel things in our own ways.
• Respond directly to what they tell you. Recognize whether they are just venting or if they would actually like input about how to move forward.

There is no silver bullet here. It comes down to being mindful of the conversation flow and whether your personal experience should be given space.

Final Thoughts on Empathy in Relationships

At its root, empathy is about showing you have compassion for someone. Being there for your partner, always, is the best way to display signs of having a deep love for them.

There are ways in everyday conversation to find those cues that you may use later to show you care. While it’s not about being overly tactical, you keeping your eyes and ears open will help. Loving someone means seeing things through their lens. Learn to do that and expressing empathy in relationships will come naturally for you.