Is Fighting in a Relationship a Sign of Passion?

The key to any relationship is sharing a spark that keeps things interesting. In the perfect world, this is based on a mutual love and respect for one another. Sometimes, however, fighting in a relationship can be viewed as a form of connection.

If you are finding that every conversation turns into an argument, we have some advice just for you.

Cassie’s View on Fighting in a Relationship

Does fighting equal passion in a relationship?  In Hollywood?  Absolutely!  In reality… absolutely not.  Sorry.  Just calling it like I see it.  It is simply not possible to have a deep and meaningful relationship with someone when you are locked in a constant power struggle.

The plot of many movies and television shows follow a bickering man and woman who argue heatedly throughout, only to realize that the reason for their animosity was actually their denial of a love burning deeply within.  The couple laugh off their differences and they live happily ever after.

I am willing to bet that that has not happened once in real life, no matter how many starry-eyed romantics have tried to force it to be.  People do not simply stop rubbing each other the wrong way just because they wish it so.  In fact, the opposite tends to be the rule.

Those little quirks and tendencies that begin as liveable, or even cute have a propensity to become the source of annoyance as time passes.  That is life in the real world.  Hollywood rarely shows us that.  Worse, they have poisoned us.

Fighting in a Relationship as a Source of Marriage Heat

How many times have we seen a couple go from what could only be classified as a dangerous or demeaning argument only to end up in bed?  They show us that the couple has steamy sex because the fight itself was passionate and we draw conclusions that without the conflict it would have been lacking.

In a weird and warped way, we think this is romantic.  We look at our partner and say, “Why don’t you kiss me like that?”, brushing aside the fact that it came from a completely toxic place.

We have been brainwashed into thinking this is normal and healthy and romantic—that this is passion.  No, it’s not.

A high-quality sex life should not be based on getting past an argument.

Love is Not a Battle: Conflict is Simply Conflict

When two people have constant conflict, it means just that.  They have conflict.  They are not getting along.  I won’t weigh in on whether or not these relationships can be saved.  That’s for the parties involved to figure out.  But make no mistake, fighting in a relationship does not equal passion.

So, people in a relationship must agree on everything?  No, that notion is ridiculous.  Of course, you are not going to have the same ideas in every situation.  The point is how you approach these differences.  If you are in a relationship with someone, it should be with someone that you respect and care about.

Open conversation and compromise show that you value the person you are with, that you are partners.  If every situation causes friction because you are in disagreement, perhaps you need to re-evaluate the compatibility of whom you have chosen to be with.

Passion is something that should exist freely on its own.  It either lives between you and your partner, or it doesn’t.  When it does, it is magical all on its own. It does not need something negative as a catalyst to cheapen it.

If the term “make-up sex” is in your vocabulary, you may want to do some soul searching.

People who confuse toxic, abusive relationships for excitement have not met the right person.  The same goes for those with conflict-free relationships who lack intensity.  You can have a healthy, exciting, and passionate relationship.  It’s all in selecting the right teammate.

Nick’s View

Adrenaline manifests itself in many fashions, typically broken down into either fight or flight responses. When at our most visceral, our reactions are limited to two basic life functions, as the question of should one stay or should one go is at the heart of every human interaction.

Relationships, at their best, are forged in the interplay between two individuals who feel strongly for one another. Although this connection may be at its root harmonious, it will inevitably find some dissent within its own ranks, even if only for trivial matters. In worse cases, a partner may even feel compelled to propose an ultimatum to each a resolution to conflict.

The Reasons People Confuse Passion with Conflict

Some people in poor relationships maintain that their passion is derived from their inability to live harmoniously, through their discord. For some, fighting means they care enough to stay.

It may be true that fighting does signal some sort of connection. However, it might also just signal two individuals feeling an inability to find a way out. It may just mean both are in a situation they can’t escape, and so they fight through it. Or, it may simply demonstrate that either or both parties simply don’t know that something better is possible. If they only known conflict, it becomes their default. Thus, they wind up in a mutually abusive relationship.

The mistake people make in confusing fighting in a relationship for passion is that strife often conjures intense emotions. Although passion does come with intensity, they are not one-and-the-same.

There is no evidence to suggest that waging war with your spouse is part of the relationship cycle. The stages of love do not involve yelling at your partner. Likewise, every disagreement should not come with the prospect of breaking up. That’s not sustainable.

Learn to Develop Connection Without Fighting in a Relationship

Isn’t there a better way to live? Passion, in its truest form, is felt between two individuals when they are both synched on a uniform course of action, a single way of life.

Passion is the pursuit of that which one loves. Truly, passion is love.

When it comes to romance, passion is what is found at the heart of the interplay between two people who have found their equals in one another and who desire to look deeper. In that seeking, they will find more about themselves than they could possibly hope to find on their own, through their own introspection.

Final Thoughts

To answer the question directly, passion is in fact not connected to fighting in a relationship, whatsoever. The two are entirely separate, though they can sometimes be found in the same place.

It is possible to disagree without fighting, and in this way it is possible to actually have a perfectly healthy, intense relationship, without ever fighting at all.