Is Sex Life Decline Natural in a Relationship?

Keeping things spicy in a relationship can be difficult. Libidos and situations evolve. In this article, we explore the realities of sex life decline and discuss how to avoid it.

The best sensation in love is to have everything be effortless. When it happens this way, you’re happy and satisfied. However, things sometimes take a bit more effort.

Cassie’s View on Sex Life Decline

I remember when my relationship was young and exciting.  It was back in that time when we couldn’t take our hands off of each other.  We would stop in the middle of a crowded street to kiss, not caring who was watching, or whom we might be offending.  Everyone remembers that time in a relationship, at least the lucky ones do.

Life is full of possibilities.  Love is full of possibilities.  All that matters is seeing your love reflected back when you look deeply into the eyes of your partner.  Kissing and touching for hours on end, without realizing that hours have passed.  It was during one of those hours that I asked my partner “Do you think this attraction we have will ever fade, or do you think we will always be this drawn to each other?”.  It saddened me to think that one day we could exist in the same atmosphere and not be pulled together by the strength of the magnetic force that in this moment was too strong to fight.  But that’s what inevitably happens, isn’t it? 

Can Sex Life Decline be Prevented?

Although what I felt for my partner was unlike anything that I had ever felt I was already terrified that it, too would succumb to the decay that time leaves in its wake.  My partner confirmed my fears.  Sort of.  He said that although he believed that we would always have the strong chemistry that we enjoyed today, that it would only be natural to relax into a more settled rhythm.  It would be virtually impossible to maintain our pace.  So, it seemed we had the same thought.  It would only be natural for our sex life to slow down as our relationship progressed. 

I wonder, is that actually the case, or is that something that we tell ourselves to disguise the fact that there are other issues that we do not want to address?  It had always been true of other relationships, yet I was obviously no longer in those relationships.  Clearly that meant something.

You Don’t Need to Be the Average

 If we look at couples celebrating milestone anniversaries, there are often the ones who bicker and look miserable as if they are celebrating the occasion as something they have overcome or survived together.  Then there are the ones who still look truly in love.  These couples are always touching.  I promise you, if you look, you will see this.  They hold hands, they caress cheeks.   This is what I want for my life, for my relationship.  Without it you really don’t have a partner.  You have a friend, at best.  The inference is obvious. 

Couples who keep a physical connection alive are the ones who maintain the strongest bonds.  Maybe that is not always the case, but it stands to reason that a partnership will be the most solid when it has the strongest foundation.  A physical relationship is rarely just physical, it also provides an emotional and spiritual connection.  If it doesn’t, you are doing something wrong.

Life sometimes does get in the way of a romantic relationship, and perhaps that is why the connection starts to sever.  When that happens, it is very easy to forget the reasons why you were together in the first place.  However, if you are always holding your partner close this is less likely to happen.  Make time for each other.  Kiss.  Touch.  Talk.  Once it’s gone, it is so hard to get back, but you can keep it alive if you nurture it.  My fear never came true.  If anything, the chemistry is hotter than it has ever been; we still cannot get enough of each other.  Light the fire. Tend to the fire.  Let it burn.

Nick’s View

Most things in life, if properly cultivated and nurtured, will be given the proper chance to flourish over time. Those things we mistreat will eventually wither.

Relationships tend to begin with a spark which can manifest itself in hypersexual activity—sex on the floor, sex in the kitchen, sex wherever sex becomes possible. This is a form of exploration as each learns about the other.

Over time, there tends to be an expectation that things will cool off as the two settle into their relationship. This generalization is easy enough to observe simply by seeing how commonplace jokes are in pop culture and in comedies related to married couples not having sex. The theme is that eventually the two have learned what there is to know about one another, get comfortable, and the romance dies.

Taking this back to today’s question, I would say that this decline in a relationship is common and average, but by no means do I consider it natural. I believe it is inevitable that a sex life will change over time. That is a proper extension of learning one another’s quirks and—hopefully—further developing on one’s own desires with a willing and receptive partner.

Sex as a Measure of Satisfaction

I believe that a declining sex drive (i.e., less satisfaction with one’s sex life) can often be attributed to neglect and/or distrust.

It doesn’t matter whether this is an age gap relationship or something more traditional. At the end of the day, the connection between lovers is what matters.

Don’t we kill the things we love? When lovers get settled in their relationship, they often stop paying attention to the small things and showing one another appreciation. This is why days like Valentine’s Day and other material-gifting holidays are necessary; when you ignore someone most of the time, it becomes important to buy them trinkets to demonstrate how-many-dollars-worth-you-care every once in a while.

Very few people will feel intense, sustained, sexual desire for someone who doesn’t appreciate them in the daily walk of life. With couples where sex life has deteriorated, it is likely other aspects of their courtship have also been left to decompose, all the same.

Finding Someone to Share Your Desires With

No two people experience sexuality in exactly the same way. In other words, we all have our own fetishes that, in order to feel fulfilled, we need to follow through on. While these differ from person to person, having someone to see them through with is both important and oftentimes necessary. This requires trust—usually a great deal of it. This trust is necessary both in terms of discretion (i.e., you may not want your fetish to be exposed beyond your partner) and comfort (i.e., if you feel like your partner will find your fetish strange and/or judge you based on it, you will be inclined to suppress it).

So, again, I believe sex life in relationships can and should change over time. Ideally, sex life should deepen as lovers share their passions and find new ways—and expand on old ways—to satisfy one another. In most cases, this won’t require going out of one’s way to be creative. These forms will present themselves in the course of being together and loving one another.

To ward off a declining sex life, all it takes is a constant appreciation for one another. Take nothing for granted and the best is always yet to come.

Final Thoughts on Sex Life Decline

Be mindful of what you are experiencing in your relationship. Take the reins if you feel things slipping and make changes before things go too far.

It is not inevitable that you will drift apart from your significant other. Keep your eye on the prize of a happy, healthy relationship. One of the biggest components of that is a solid sexual foundation.