What If the Man Makes More Money in a Relationship?

Relationships are usually considered romantically, but the financial side is just as important. Whether the woman or man makes more money should not get in the way of a couple living harmoniously.

In this article, we review how to manage money matters between lovers.

Cassie’s View

If a partnership between lovers is supposed to be a partnership of equals, then what is the expectation when it comes to bringing home the bacon?

Gone are the days of the man working tirelessly at the office and returning home to his dutiful housewife, who has spent her day keeping house, raising the children, and ensuring a hot meal awaits his return (all likely while barefoot and warming a bun in her oven).  Although there are still some family units that support this model, they are few and far between.

The Viability of a Financial Model Where the Man Makes More Money

Unless the man is making a substantial income, it is virtually impossible to support a family, or even a couple, without both partners pitching in.  If this is the new normal, then it stands to reason that there are likely many couples who do not earn salaries at a fifty-fifty split, as someone has to make more.

Men, would you be comfortable in a relationship where your woman is the higher earner? Women, would you think less of your man for earning a lower salary? Does this change the balance of power?  Should it?

Finances can be a challenging topic to discuss in a relationship.  Let’s skip past the original conversations and only deal with the topic as it pertains to established couples.  Couples who have been together for some time generally establish rhythms and patterns that make them feel comfortable and that work for their lifestyle.  This includes who is responsible for paying which bills, or who covers the tab on date night.  Even if it is not a spoken agreement there is usually an understanding that is mutually amenable.   If a couple cannot make this work, likely little else will either.

Financial Double Standards

It is a bit (or a lot) of a double standard.  In most relationships, women are expected to work to contribute their part financially, and most do this willingly and happily.  However, there are a fair number of men who would cap the earning potential of their partner.  Having a successful woman on their arm, especially one who appears to best them can be a crushing blow to the ego.  Is it truly best for a woman to minimize her success in order to keep her man happy?  Does being the boss at work mean being alone at home?  For some, it might. 

This is along the same lines as the previous topic about competition.  If either partner is unhappy about the success that the other enjoys, there is likely a deeper problem within the relationship.  Building lasting relationships requires finding a partner who aligns with your values and lifestyle.  Chances are if this is an issue, there are also others.  There is certainly nothing wrong with a mutual decision for the man to work and the wife to keep house, much as there would be nothing wrong with the reverse.  The key is, as it always is, to have supportive partner.

Gender Roles Aren’t Inherently Evil

I will admit that I do love when my partner spoils me, and for the most part we have very traditional gender roles.  I love that my man is a man and know that I can lean on him for anything that I need.  However, in saying that, I would never abuse his generosity.

I think that is what is the most important distinction about being a woman today.  I have no desire to roar.  It’s not about showing that I don’t need a man, because I do.  It’s not about trying to earn more, because I simply don’t care to.  I want to contribute where I can and spoil my man back sometimes.

I want to be able to be an equal partner just by being me.  The money does not matter.

I want to be my man’s woman and have him be my man.  Money is simply a means to enjoy our lives together.  Who brings it home is utterly irrelevant.

Nick’s View

What are beliefs and how do we come to have them? Most of our core values are initially formed from an early age. These are based both on what we observe passively and through explicit conditioning (i.e., what our parents tell us is true and right and good).

These learnings stick with us through the early parts of our lives. Or, at least, until we begin self-reflecting and deciding what is worth keeping and what might better be discarded to make room for a superior notion (some people never make this self-reflection, mind you).

Historically speaking, our society has in large part been shaped by a nuclear family model. This envisioned the patriarch out in the workforce while the matriarch tended the 2.2 children and home. As a result, the male was regarded the breadwinner of the family. Thus, he ultimately took the lead in most matters—the one who makes the money gets to decide how it should be spent, right?

Whether a Man Makes More Money Shouldn’t Impact Family Relations

Today, despite the tectonic shift in how familial relations are governed and the shattering of the glass ceiling, gender roles remain confused between pushing forth toward a new model and still being mired in the way things once were.

Should a man still cover the bill when taking his sweetheart to dinner? Can a woman still be regarded independent while longing for her man to exhibit chivalry? Is it possible to have the best of all worlds without crossing the line into the hypocrisy of speaking from both sides of one’s mouth?

As it relates to money, I believe our society simply gives earning power too high a ranking. It doesn’t determine one’s self-worth or the worth of others. To even pose the question of whether a man should make more money than his partner already presupposes that money is a governing factor in what makes a man.

Money Should Be Used Positively

Money is important insofar as it allows one to live comfortably in society on one’s own terms. You need money to buy food, housing, transportation, and most else that makes our world go round. It is important to earn sufficiently in order to cover one’s own standard of living, but beyond that it is all vanity.

The couple that compares incomes to determine relative value within a relationship is dead in the water.

Money should be used to harmoniously improve one’s conditions of living. It should never be used as a competitive influence to shape the course of a relationship. Whether the man or woman makes more money is immaterial. It matters only to the extent that they let it impact them.

Simply stated, financial matters should not dictate submission or dominance between romantic partners.

I don’t believe a strict accounting of who paid for this or whose turn it is to pay for that is necessary. Whether finances are shared or separate, I believe there should be open discourse on the subject since money does impact so many aspects of daily life, though. It’s just that it isn’t necessary to draw any line in the sand, distancing the couple. There’s no need to break them into their component parts to determine who has has or has not.

Whether making more or less, both partners should always be mindful that they are on the same team—or at least they ought to be—and let money be no bigger than that between them.

Final Thoughts on When the Man Makes More Money in a Relationship

There is no getting around the overall importance of money in a relationship. If you lack money, it will cause relationship strain.

Money should not, though, determine who gets to make relationship decisions. Remember that a relationship should be a place you go to give, not to take. If this is the positive spirit you and your partner embody, you’ll be able to navigate these financial waters effectively.