8 Warning Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist

Most reasonable people accept that any proper relationship involves give and take. Both parties should be having their needs satisfied. However, those with self-centered personalities tend to be most concerned with getting their own way. We’re going to cover the top signs you’re dating a narcissist and offer recommendations about how to deal with this.

Keep in mind that very few people set out intentionally to mistreat their partner. This simply comes as a byproduct of having an ego-centric mindset.

Before we get into the list itself, let’s first take a look at what truly defines a narcissist.

A Proper Narcissist Definition

Having a moderate amount of self-interest is both healthy and beneficial. It’s important that people understand their own needs and cater to them. The key is that this should not cross over the boundary of causing discomfort for others.

A narcissist is someone whose excessive level of self-concern leads them to fight to get their way, no matter what. They are not troubled with the emotional toll their actions take on others, so long as they win the argument, get to watch the movie of their choosing, and so on.

Narcissists have an innate desire to be right and also find it important that others see them this way. Their self-image is of the ultimate importance.

1. Unrealistic Reality

The narcissist will often see themselves as a part of a world that no one else can see.

Imagine being the star of a never-ending movie or feeling like you are being constantly followed by adoring paparazzi. This is often the mindset of a narcissist. One of the definite signs you’re dating a narcissist is that they envision their importance in the world as being grander in scope than it is.

Usually, they have big dreams of success, but do not have concrete plans, or the drive, to make these dreams reality. Why should they? In their world dreams come true and these dreams are owed to them by the rest of society.

If you have a partner who tells you about a future that does not seem in keeping with what you know to be true of their current lifestyle, education, or finances, you may be dealing with a narcissist.

It is a huge dating mistake to overlook someone’s disconnection with reality.

2. It’s Not Me, It’s You

A narcissist is never wrong, and therefore will never accept accountability or blame for anything that may go wrong in their lives.

Chances are your relationship is not perfect, as none are. If you do have a disagreement with your partner, are they able to acknowledge the times when you may be more correct in the situation? Or do you find that if you want smooth waters that you are always the one making concessions simply to appease your partner?

No one is right all of the time, which means no one can be wrong all of the time. A partnership means being able to work through differences equitably. If that’s not possible, your partner may bear the traits of a narcissistic personality.

3. Meet the Ex

Very few people maintain close friendships with their exes, but it is certainly possible to have a healthy relationship (or none whatsoever) after a break-up. It is a bad sign when someone spends too much time spewing negativity about a former flame well after the spark has been extinguished. It is much worse when this is the case for every relationship.

If your partner seems to only have bad relationships where they were completely blameless in the demise, you should definitely take notice of these red flags. They are waving strongly.

4. Me Me Me Me…

It is absolutely true that you should devote love and attention to your partner. However, it’s a problem if they require so much of your attention that you don’t have time for yourself or other important matters.

One of the clear signs you’re dating a narcissist is that they only see themselves in all situations. They therefore expect the same from you. If you are not willing to be at their beck and call 24-7, you might want to rethink who you have gotten into bed with.

Remember: A narcissist sees themselves as the star of the show. They believe that others see them as important as they see themselves. This leads them to expect you to adore them as much as they do.

5. Narcissists Lack Empathy

The worst trait of a narcissist is their lack of empathy. This goes beyond not asking how your day is or caring for you when you are ill, but it extends to the complete disregard for all emotions you may be feeling.

A narcissist is bored when the attention is not on them, so if you happen to have a situation or a feeling that requires compassion from them, they will likely be quick to dismiss how you are feeling. 

Imagine explaining the death of a loved one to someone who simply placates you and then switches the conversation back to them, or only views the situation from their own perspective.

Love and care should always be a two-way street.

6. What’s Yours is Mine

In a proper relationship, it is expected that there will be some generosity and sharing of assets.  However, one of the definite signs you’re dating a narcissist is that they expect preferential treatment with assets and decision-making.

You should want to give in a relationship, but it should never be expected.  If your partner’s mood or level of affection changes based on gifts or other privileges, you are likely being manipulated by a narcissist.

7. Always a Victim

The narcissist likely has a very sad story to tell…for every situation. At one time, one of them might even have been true. However, over time they tend to become very good storytellers and excellent at finding ways to turn situations around to their advantage.

A few of the signs you’re dating a narcissist are whether they always claim to be a victim such as this:

• Do they come out of every situation looking like they were being bullied or victimized?
• Have they used tears to disarm you when you are angry at them?
• Do they have a long history of personal tragic events that Hollywood would love to borrow?

You are likely dating someone who has spent years perfecting this behaviour and it will not correct itself overnight.

8. Beyond Nit-Picking

Perhaps there is something about your partner that irks you just the tiniest bit.  It’s nothing major, and you certainly would not ruin a relationship over it, right? The narcissist would.

They are never satisfied and will find any reason to criticize and belittle you. This is one of the ways they chisel at your self-confidence in order to keep you submissive. Narcissists have the active personalities and require compliance.

If you feel like your partner is being overly critical of you and no move you make is the right one, your next move should be out the door.

Concluding Thoughts on the Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist

The biggest red flag that you’re dating a narcissist is that they really only see the world through their own lens. They shift all conversations back to themselves. It is critically important to them for their point of view to be heard and agreed with.

One major challenge is that it is virtually impossible to communicate these issues with a narcissist. They don’t see anything wrong with their behavior. Since nothing is wrong, why would they change anything? After all, they’re perfect in their own eyes, right?

While it is possible to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist, you’ll likely be forced to take a backseat on many matters. If you’re not comfortable with this, you need to assess whether to get yourself out before you’re too deep.