How Many Dates Should You Wait Before Having Sex?

What makes relationships interesting is the sexual tension. It’s also what can cause so much anxiety and uncertainty. If you’re in a new relationship and worried about whether you should wait before having sex, we’re happy to shine some light on the topic for you.

In this article, we’ll each give our opinions on how you should think about early intimacy in a relationship.

Cassie’s View – Should you Wait Before Having Sex?

When you are first dating a new love interest, it can be easy to get in your head and overanalyze every moment you are together. What did that look mean? Was that kiss okay? Is he thinking the same as me about where this is going?

Sometimes the anxiety over getting everything right can take away from the fun of the new experience.

One of the most important questions new couples face is when is the right time to be intimate. For women especially, it seems that there are many factors to consider. Although times have changed drastically over the last few decades, the fact remains that men and women are judged differently when it comes to sexual relationships.

A man who has had many partners is rarely viewed in the same light as a woman with equal numbers. Adding this unwarranted judgment in addition to the possibility of pregnancy, and sexually transmitted disease, the decision is not a light one.

Dating Rules

It seems that rules seem to change every couple of years. If you Google the subject you will find a three date rule, a five date rule, a twelve date rule, and pretty much any variation that you can customize to fit your needs.

What that tells me is that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to the question of whether you should wait before having sex. Which obviously makes sense because you can’t put all relationships into the same bucket. Each relationship and each individual within the relationship is unique.

The best answer to the question of how many dates it should take before being intimate is actually quite simple. It’s the number it takes you to feel comfortable about making that decision. 

Consider these questions about whether you should wait before having sex:

• Will you still be happy about the decision tomorrow?
• Did you freely have the choice to decide?

Regardless of whether it is date one, three, twenty, or you have decided to wait until marriage, your sexual freedom is yours and yours alone. Be comfortable and proud in the decision you make.

Nick’s View on Deciding to Wait Before Having Sex

Each relationship comes with its own romantic arc. Sometimes it comes on hot and heavy, while with others it’s a slow burn that builds in intensity.

The quality of the dates themselves in the early stages will impact whether things are moving at the desired speed or not. For example, how do you compare going to a movie where you don’t talk and perhaps don’t really touch, with going for a long walk where you spend the entire time exploring one another’s minds?

On this basis, it becomes exceptionally difficult to set a single number on how many dates are sufficient before jumping in the sack. One great date with deep conversation can take you further than ten superficial outings.

Sex: It’s All About Trust

The connection and trust you develop—or don’t—with your significant other is what should drive your plans with them. Whether that means having sex on the first date or the fifth, you’re going to need to trust your instincts.

If I could offer any advice, it would be to err on the side of caution. What’s done cannot be undone, and having sex before your relationship is ready can torpedo it, and lead to negative consequences physically, emotionally, as well as with your reputation.

Don’t rush ahead; caution is the order of the day.

Sex in Dating Shouldn’t Doesn’t Need to be Taboo

On a related side note, absolutes around how sex should be handled in relationships never quite work. Discourse on the topic shouldn’t come dripping with moral judgments.

If you decide that it just feels right to have sex right away, then that could very well be the thing to do. Sex shouldn’t be a bargaining chip or viewed as something to withhold for arbitrary reasons, influenced by outside observers.

At its best, sex can enhance and deepen an emotional and physical connection. Finding that you’re sexually compatible early on is all the better.

Final Thoughts on How Long to Wait Before Having Sex

You should wait to have sex until you feel entirely ready to do so. It shouldn’t feel like jumping off a cliff and having faith that you’ll be okay.

Have an open discussion with your partner if you feel nervous about the situation. If they’re worth the consideration in the first place, they’ll be happy to talk through it with you.